awake

Today I feel like I am awake. I feel like I am alive. I have got up and done laundry... I can't say the hole in my chest is closed... Its there gaping open... I can't say that it won't start bleeding again. I can say that for the first time I feel human... I feel awake, alive, and  thankful. I am going to get groceries today... I am going to look at flowers in the garden section.. and I plan on buying a few to plant in my bare flower bed. I plan on making some grilled chicken tacos. I may even put makeup on before I go... I am not completely fake anymore... I am by no means over it... over the loss of him... but today I smiled when I thought of him... instead of busting into tears... I love you Papaw. I miss you so much. Thank you for the sunshine in my heart today I know it was you.

The world lost the greatest cowboy that every walked the earth. But now I have the best angel with me everyday.