Weigh in.

This morning I stepped on the scale this is what she said.

Last week I weighed 261.4. So this week's loss is 7.4 lbs. That's a pretty good number. I know that alot of it is water weight and now the weight loss will slow down. The changes I made this week were I started journaling again. I kept track of every bite of food I had. I tried to stay within my range of 1200-1550. I drank more water. I tried to make sure I was more active. I have a gym membership that I think I will start putting into use again this coming week. I like to get my eating on track and then hit the gym. I find that when I try to do too much at one time I get overwhelmed and then don't do as well. Here is a little more of my back story. I weighed 300lbs in 2010. By Feb. 2011 I weighed 220lbs. Something just clicked with me. I dieted and I exercised my heart out. After Feb of last year I hit a plateau... one that lasted for 2 months. If I am honest with myself I didn't give it my all. I didn't try as hard as I should have to bust through it. I got lost in the numbers. The scale won.. Around April I started fighting with depression. Not because of the scale.. because I have depression. I have had all of my life. I generally can control it without meds. I like to try anyways. Exercise really helped me not have to take depression meds. I mean I know it sounds corny but I am so much happier when I work out. Now this discovery was new to me... because I found out I had never really worked out before 2010. I got a trainer for a few sessions. The world of exercise opened up to me. What I discovered is really all the times I had been exercising before I was half-assing it. That's a technical term...it's like where you only use half your ass..when you really should be using your whole ass. I mean if you love something you should not just do it with your whole heart but your whole ass too. So I started exercising for real... you know blood sweat tears. The kind of exercised that the next day your whole ass falls off because you used all of it to exercise. I found out that after a real work out.. I felt different.. not just a little but alot different. Like I could conquer the world. I stopped going to the gym as the depression worsened. Which absence from the gym does not make my heart grow fonder... not a long absence anyways. If I don't work out every few days...bad things happen. I forget the workout high... I also tend to slack off in intensity on my workouts.. which leads to workouts getting harder...which leads to half assing the workouts again...because I am not going to lie. It hurts to work out. It makes you tired. It leaves you sore.. Needless to say I gained weight again. I tried to diet but really couldn't find my motivation. You know when you're ready to change. It feels different in your heart. So if you try to change your lifestyle and get healthy before your heart is in it more than likely it is not going to work. I feel it again. That sense of I can do this. I can lose my weight I can get to goal. The only thing in this whole part that bothers me is how far I had came. Only to gain weight again. I had lost 80lbs... that accomplishment felt huge.. I honestly felt like I could do anything for a moment. I am disappointed in myself... however I know I can do it again. Not just half way but this time I can go all the way. I have now lost a total of 46lbs. My next mini goal is to get back down to 220lbs... to get back to having lost 80lbs.. I will put in the blood sweat and tears I know it will take...and my whole ass.