Working a little wicked into breakfast.

OK so I know two posts in one day.. Starting this ball rolling fast. Not really I wrote my hello post a couple of days ago.. I am just a procrastinator. See my hubby suggested this blog. He said you read all kinds of weight loss blogs. Start your own. Write your own story. See I have lost alot of weight...and gained alot of weight. So when I start dieting I have an inner dialogue constantly about finishing this journey seeing it thru to my goal. My husband has never told me I needed to lose weight. He has never told me I am fat. He has always told me that he thinks I am beautiful. However when I have a goal or a dream he is always right there cheering for me... His thoughts is that writing it down...and being able to look back at my journey will help. Sometimes when I am all in the fight, vision blurred by tears I can't see where I have been. I sometimes only feel the now. So like when I hit a plateau I can almost forget that I know how to lose weight.. That I can beat the scale.. because I get so lost and so tangled up in that number on the scale staying the same... it completely wipes the fighter right out me. I give in to the voices..the ones that say I will never lose weight. I will be fat the rest of my life. So if I write down where I have been. I will be able to look back and see..even though it feels like you are staying in the same place.. you are moving towards your goal. Right now my dream goal is 180. Some people probably still think that is big. It may be. Its been so many years since I seen that I honestly don't know what size I will be at that weight.. But you know what right now in my head that just seems like a good number. Because when you have been 300lbs that number looks amazing. Like my dream weight.. but I honestly think I will go more by size than I will what the scales says. Someday I swear I will no longer be a prisoner of the number on the scale. What the scale says will no longer matter. Till then that bitch and I have an appointment tomorrow. I have journaled everyday.. kept up with my cals. Every bite that has went in my mouth has been faithfully wrote down. So far my highest calorie day has been 1528. My lowest calorie day has been 1330. I have not denied myself. I have tried to work in my wicked little cravings here and there. I don't want to feel like I am dieting so much as just feel like I am eating and aware of what I am consuming. So this morning..I was feeling bad... like maybe it was a go to Panera Bread and get a bagel...or have an indulgent country breakfast.  My favorite bagel and cream cheese at Panera is the Cinnamon Crunch with the reduced fat honey nut cream cheese. That monster is 570 calories.

While that would have been lovely...and I will have one another day I am sure.  I knew that it would set the tone for the day. I would be a bad girl all day. Plus its all carbs and I know it wouldn't be very filling for very long. So I got in the kitchen and made a breakfast. Check mine out.

Top left is my replacement for the bagel. Its cinnamon raisin swirl bread and 1 1/2tsp of full fat honey nut cream cheese...for a total of 100 calories. I measured that cream cheese out.. and you know what a little goes a long way with stuff like that.. you want it to compliment and enhance your food not drown it. It has all the same flavor notes and really satisfies that craving for the bagel and cream cheese. Beside it is a hash brown oven baked with 1 tsp of ketchup for a total of 147 cals. Then the bacon... yep that's real bacon. Its center cut and oven baked super crisp today. There were 3 pieces to be honest so they were a total of 105 cals...but it kinda jumped in my mouth before I could take a picture.. Don't you just hate impatient bacon?  Then the egg.. it was fried in a non-stick skillet for 74 cals.
So now if you are keeping count that's 426 calories. More cals than I normally spend on breakfast but way better than giving in and going and getting a bagel. I'm still being wicked... but in moderation. I promise to try and be a good girl the rest of the day.. and I will post my weight loss info tomorrow. Crossing all things that can be crossed that I lose 3 or 4 lbs. The first week I usually lose a good sized number like that... then the rest of the weeks will be 1lb or so. Slow and steady makes it stay off... If I lose it fast and quick I need to gain it back fast and quick too.. Catch ya tomorrow.